Gender

Amsterdam Pride

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20150801_120205I spent the day in Amsterdam yesterday on the KPN boat during the Canal Parade of Amsterdam Pride. It was a fantastic experience, I’m so glad I got this opportunity to go. When I got home last night I was exhausted, but it was so, so worth it.

I drove to Amsterdam with two of my colleagues, Cindy and Thomas. All of us neatly in white pants as required by our organisers. We parked near the station and took a bus to the meet-up point. There we were given our company t-shirt and various decorations.

After waiting until everyone was there, we headed to the embarkation point. Our boat was not quite as large as I had imagined, considering we were about 60 people total. Once we were all on board, it turned out to be roomier than it looked. The boat had a middle catwalk of sorts and underneath were stored boxes of iced drinks. We each got a lunch box and after eating the boat slowly moved out.

20150801_140543We first headed for out waiting spot. There we met up with the other KPN boat. This was a boat without people but filled with screens and cameras. People from all around the world could tune in to a special website and watch the parade live from the camera’s on that boat. They could also leave video messages on the website which were played on the screens during the parade.
Then, when it was time to move out, we took our place in line and the parade started. It was immensely impressive to be there on the water and see the hundred of thousands of people on the streets and on smaller boats along the edges of the canals. All of them happy, cheering, waving. Some throwing beads (I even caught one) or flowers or shooting at us with water guns.

IMG-20150801-WA0022As part of a boat you’re expected to be lively. Each boat generally has their own DJ both to entertain, but also to keep their people motivated to move. I’ve never been much of a dancer, but I never danced this much in my live as on that boat.

The whole parade took about two hours and was, at times, risky. There’s over twenty bridges that we had to pass. None of which can be raised. And some of those are so low that we all had to drop to our knees and duck our heads to not lose our heads.

And every time we got to one of those bridges, we also had to tilt our confetti cannon. Which was a fairly unwieldy thing. I happened to be positioned near it most of the time so I would assist the boat steward with the cannon.

At the end of the parade we were at the other end of the city. While disembarking we ate some finger food that was served and had some group photos taken. After that some people remained in the city, but for us it was time to head back to the North. We took a train back to the station where the car was and headed home. We stopped in Lelystad for a quick McDonalds dinner and made it back to Groningen in a very respectable time, thanks to Thomas’ driving.

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One, Two

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Had my final check-up after surgery today. All is well, it’s healing marvelously. I am now officially cleared to fully use my arms/upper chest again, which is really nice. This also means I van ride my bicycle again 😀

 

The Time Machine CoverI read The Time Machine earlier this week. I always thought I’d seen the old movie and never gave it much more thought. But when I read the book, I found so many things that were unfamiliar. So I looked up the movie and while scrolling through some photos realised I might’ve seen bits of it, but definitely not the whole movie. So it was a good thing I read the book.

The older language took some getting used to, but once I did, it was a fairly good read. More written like a science report than a novel in places but it has an interesting evolution of humanity.

Glorious Red Tape

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Yesterday, my gender statement came in the mail. This is the declaration from the people at the hospital that I am sure of my gender identity and unlikely to change my mind. With it, I can have my name and gender marker officially, legally, changed.

Since they make the changes on the birth certificate, it means I have to go to Groningen for it, as that is where I was born. So, this morning, Mom and I drove to the city to see a man about a horse a city hall person about a birth certificate. I drew a number, we sat down to wait, and wait, and wait.

Once it was my turn, it went fairly fast. The lady had to look up how exactly to do it, as the procedure is fairly new. She then changed the gender marker, and entered my new names. Before, I had two names, after both my grandmothers. Now, I chose to keep the name my parents would have given me had I been born “right”. These are after both my grandfathers. However, since my mother is also named after her father, I felt I also needed to incorporate Dad’s name. So I added his name as an extra middle name. Leaving me, very fancy, with three names 😀

The changes are then pushed through the system so they also reached my current county’s administration. Once that is done, I can apply for a new ID card 😀

Repetition is the Mother of Knowledge?

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Went to see the gender psychiatrist again last Tuesday for my second of the three required meetings. This time around we only spoke for little over half an hour (as opposed to the hour or so from last time). It was kinda obvious that he didn’t really have anything pressing to talk about so he mostly repeated questions from last time.  When did I first start to feel gender dysphoria, how did that show, how long has it been since I got into the process, have I had doubts since then and so on. I get that he needs to ask the control questions and be sure and such, but it does kinda feel like a waste, especially since I do have to pay part of these appointments myself.

He did bring up the new topic of children, whether or not I want them, and if I planned on saving some eggs. I told him that I wouldn’t mind having kids at some point (not now, though) but that I’ve known since I was a teenager that I never, ever want to be pregnant and that I really don’t care very  much if any children I have are biologically mine or not. I therefore have no plans right now to store eggs. He dutifully wrote it down and impressed upon me the need to think about this. I promised him I would.

For a multidisciplinary team, I find they don’t really have that much of a grasp of the process beyond their own little bit. I asked him when in the physical process, the possibility of egg retrieval would be pertinent and he started repeating the canned explanation on how the transition process goes (talks, referral, hormones, surgery). After I stopped him and made clear that wasn’t what I meant. He said it is done generally before starting hormones, although it might also be possible later on, but before surgery.

So I made a mental note to discuss this with the gynecologist after he green lights me. I really don’t have any plans to store eggs right now, but I’m assuming they can give me some practical info, which might change my mind. I doubt it though.

Anyway. The third, and most likely final, appointment isn’t until October. This means that I probably won’t be getting any hormones until next year, since the psychiatrist needs to meet with the gender team as a whole to green light me. And then they refer me to the gynecologist which has a one/two month waiting list. And the first appointment there is only testing anyway. So I’ll have to wait some more 🙁

The ‘Real’ Shrink :D

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This afternoon I finally had another Gender appointment, after having been wait listed for almost a year. To recap; after getting the Gender Team referral last year, I saw a regular psychiatrist two or three times. Their job was to determine if I was in general mentally healthy and if there were maybe other underlying issues that would need dealing with first. They deemed me perfectly healthy and referred me on to the actual Gender Team. Then I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited some more…

I knew the wait list was gonna be about eight months, but since eight months was, well, in March somewhere, I got worried. Eventually I called them in early May, I think, to ask. Turns out the wait list had grown in the mean time. At that point I was number 9 on The List, and the prognosis was that I would be seen before July. So I settled in and waited some more. May went, June came and as we got closer to the end of June without appointment letter, I started to doubt them.

But! Lo and behold, Friday June 21st came the letter informing me of my appointment. On Thursday the 20th…

After the weekend I called them to verify and turned out the desk people had made a tiny mistake and accidentally printed the date on which they wrote the letter instead of the actual appointment. The appointment was Thursday June 27. Which is today.

I’d gotten leave from work for the last few hours of the day so I could go. Nienke met up with me outside work aroud 14:30, where my Mom picked us up with the car. After an adventurous drive through the inner city, which is a total mess in renovations of road parts and so on, we reached the hospital’s psych building without trouble. Especially since it was the same place I’d been last year.

After checking in at the front desk we sat around and talked for a while until my ‘real’ psychiatrist showed up. We spoke for about an hour, most of it rehashing of what I’d discussed last year. How long have I been feeling this way, what do I want and basically how I approach life and such. It’s his job to determine if I’m serious about being transgender and wanting to transition, and if I can handle all the shit that comes with it. Luckily he didn’t foresee any problems. I will have to see him twice more, as three is the required minimum number. He said he didn’t think we’d need more sessions, so that’s looking good.

After the third session, if all goes well, he will then refer me on to the physical part of the Gender Team so we can get hormone therapy sorted. My next appointment isn’t until August (stupid holidays) but I’m hoping, based on how it went last year, to then have the third session in September, and appointment with the hormone people in October. So, fingers crossed!

Dates, Tricky Things

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Yesterday, when I came home from my singing lesson, I found a much wanted envelope on my doormat. It was from the hospital!

I eagerly ripped it open, expecting it to contain the date for my Gender Team appointment. And it did.

Except, something wasn’t right. Yesterday was Friday, June 21, and in the letter I was invited to come for my appointment on Thursday, June 20…

Obviously someone over there fucked up, either in making a typo in the date, or in when they sent it. I’ll give them a call today to see what’s up, hoping someone’s there today.

Stay tuned for more adventures in the land of Organisations That Don’t Have Their Things Sorted.

Around the Internet IV

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L. Weingarten has a photography series called “Series of Questions“. They’re photos of gender-variant/gender non-conforming people posing with questions they’ve been asked. Questions that are often intrusive, accusing or otherwise meant to make the person justify themselves to others.

The mission statement says:

This ongoing body of work explores the power dynamics inherent in the questions asked of transgender, transsexual, genderqueer, gender non-conforming, and gender-variant people.

Many documentary photographic projects that deal with trans issues exploit the genders of their subjects, pointing to an “otherness” or inappropriately exoticizing their bodies. A Series of Questions seeks instead to make visible the transphobia and gender-baiting that can become part of everyday interactions and lives, forming a fuller picture of the various lived experiences. In so doing, this work contrasts with the dehumanizing approaches that predominate the images made of transgender, transsexual, genderqueer, gender non-conforming, and gender-variant people, which often focus solely on their gender or trans status, or use them to further a specific point about social construction and gender.

The subjects hold signs depicting questions that each has had posed to them personally— some by strangers, others by loved ones, friends, or colleagues. Presented on white wooden boards, the questions are turned on the viewer, shifting the dynamics under which they were originally asked, and prompting the viewer to cast a reflective, self-critical eye upon themself, revealing how invasive this frame of reference can be.

 

 

The Genderbread Person. An infographic that tries (and does a damn good job) to explain all the variety in gender identity, gender expression, biological sex and sexual attraction. Should be required teaching in sex ed and related courses. Hell, should be required reading for everyone.

 

 

 

The Strangers. A very creepy short horror/suspense story about Strangers and the subway. I couldn’t stop reading once I started.

Tanah Lot, Bali

Ten amazing real-world locations that seem to come straight from a fantasy (right, Tanah Lot, Bali).

Cards Against Humanity, a party card game for horrible people. Everyone has a number of cards, and one player begins by playing a black card with a question. The others answer the question with one of their cards (blind). They get then shuffled and are read out loud by the starting player who picks a favourite. The player who played that card gets a point. Then the next player plays a question card and so on. The questions and answers are not suitable for children. The game itself is sold out, but can be downloaded in pdf format to print yourself.

 

Ending on a lighter note: 50 amazingly achievable things to do before you die 🙂

Of Sound Mind

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May 18 I had my follow-up appointment with the psychiatrist to complete my gender intake (see also previous post). The Head-Shrink asked some additional questions for about half an hour. Then she informed me that I appeared to be of sound mental health (no other mental things that need addressing/treatment first like, for example, depression or such things) and that she would recommend me to the gender team!

*happydance*

Now all I can do is wait for the appointment there. The Head-Shrink said it might take a while, but the wait list here is lesser than in Amsterdam, so I have good hopes.

*waits*

Shrinkage, or, My Family is Awesome

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I saw the psychiatrist today for my gender intake. I was a little bit disappointed, I was (calling all stereotypes) expecting a couch or at least a comfy chair to be present but no such luck. Ms. Doctor and I sat at a regular table with regular chairs and talked for about an hour and a half.

Obviously it covered the gender feelings and when it started and how it manifests and stuff like that, but also more generalised questions about feelings and behaviour, mental health family history, current and past life circumstances etc… All this so they can determine not only if the gender dysphoria is severe enough to warrant transitioning, but also to check if there might be other mental issues that might need attention first, and to see if I have realistic expectations of this whole process and if I can handle it and have a support system and such.

Ms. Doctor is going to discuss this with the Head-Shrink and then I get to come back for another appointment with both Ms. Doctor and the Head-Shrink. I’m very curious about it, the first appointment turned out to be a reasonably pleasant experience.

 

Going back in time a little, last Saturday I (or rather, we) told (a large part of) my extended family about my being transgender. My Mom had already told a few aunts/uncles but we decided that Mom’s birthday party on Saturday would be an excellent opportunity to tell the others. So, during the day we told the family from Dad’s side, and in the evening Mom’s side of the family all showed up so we told them.

It was a really positive experience. I was pretty nervous beforehand (and I imagine Mom, too), but all reactions we’re positive and basically boiled down to “if this is how you feel, and you’re serious about it, then we support you”. I really could not have asked for a better reception. I expect that from here it will trickle down to various cousins (in so far they don’t see one of these posts via Facebook or Twitter).